It just doesn't seem fair sometimes. I'm his wife, I love him to death, and I try to take care of him. I feel like today was a day from hell. I know it wasn't that bad, but during the time it was happening it hurt. Everything started off good this morning. It was a sunny, beautiful 18° day, and we were going to run a few errands. After finishing what we needed to do, we stopped to have lunch. We had no kids this weekend, so it was very nice, just the two of us. A couple hours had gone by, and I always forget that he needs to take his medicine every so many hours. He especially needs his anxiety medicine.
Well, he didn't take it when he was supposed to, so all of a sudden, out of the blue, he just starts yelling at me for no reason. I don't always think that he knows he is yelling, but it hurts. It also makes me angry, and I feel like I just want to yell back. Then I remember that he has PTSD, and it’s not 100 percent his fault. I take the yelling for a little bit, and then I ask him why he is yelling at me. Sometimes he says he's sorry, other times he has an excuse. I probably pissed him off then because I asked him if he took his medicine. He hates it when I ask him that, but how can I not when he starts turning into a jerk? I am usually right in asking because most of the time he forgets to take it.
Just because I am being strong, doesn't mean that I’m not hurting inside. I feel like I have to hold everything inside because he needs someone strong beside him. I want to be that perfect, strong, and supporting military wife, but sometimes I wonder who is going to take care of me. When is it my time to just break down and let everything go?